Season 1, Episode 1 & 2 The Mountainmen, Pts. 1 & 2 Written by: Peter Lefcourt Directed by: Michael Ritchie

As Beggars & Choosers begins, we meet the main crew at the LGT network: Rob Malone, the beleaguered network chief; Lori Volpone, the backstabbing VP of development; and Malcolm Laffley, the closeted VP of talent. These characters face a host of problems. Rob has his hands full with the network's owner, E.L. Luddin, a cranky old man who has a fetish for Latin hookers, and Kendall Gifford, the incendiary writer of LGT's right-wing "family" show, The Mountainmen. Lori's busy trying to sign a miniseries deal with Russian mobster, Nicky Krasnakov. And Malcolm's busy dealing with his lover, Wayne, who wants him to come out; Yolanda, the star of an LGT soap, who has Tourette's Syndrome and can't stop cursing; Sandra Cassandra, a sleazy actress who's suing him for sexual harassment; and Larry, a drag queen who Malcolm hires to pose as the Latin hooker E.L. asked for. By the end of the episode, Larry (as Lola) has driven E.L. into a stroke-induced coma, Lori has discovered the dangerous nature of Nicky Krasnakov, and Kendall Gifford, upset with Rob's request to tone down the subject matter of his show, has apparently become the victim of a kidnapping.

Items of note: Spot the Scratch #1: Either Tuc or Malcolm is a nervous scratcher. Malcolm scratches his back (or his nose or his head) in the vast majority of B&C's Season One episodes. In the first episode, he scratches his back as he opens his door to Sandra Cassandra.

Season 1, Episode 3 Once More Unto The Breach Written by: Peter Lefcourt Directed by: George Bloomfield

Kendall Gifford's "kidnapping" has thrown The Mountainmen into limbo, and Rob has somehow become the LAPD's and the FBI's favorite suspect. By show's end, a Fed-Ex'ed Mountainmen script shows up, making the LGT crew suspect that Kendall has faked his own kidnapping. Also, Lori is getting threats from other Russian mobsters to ignore the Nicky Krasnakov story. LGT's lawyers are trying to convince Malcolm to settle Sandra Cassandra's harassment claim. And E.L.'s wife, L.L., shows up at his bedside swearing that she can speak to him through his coma, and starts making all sorts of problems for Rob.

Items of Note: Spot the Scratch #2: In a meeting in which Lori is raving about Nicky Krasnakov, Malcolm scratches his forehead.

Season 1, Episode 4 The Hat Trick Written by: Peter Lefcourt Directed by: Charles Winkler

Rob's wife, Cecile, has been asking for a third child and Rob agrees to try. Audrey, Rob's adult daughter, who is living with LGT's biggest sitcom star, Parker Meridien, is starting to weary of the way he ribs her father. Lori tells Nicky that she's been threatened by his mafia rival, and their relationship starts to heat up. Sandra Cassandra goes public with her harassment claim against Malcolm. Rob tells Malcolm he won't settle unless E.L. comes out of his coma and agrees that they should settle. Bea Arthur tries to pitch The Ethel Merman Story to Rob.

Items of Note: Spot the Scratch #3: Malcolm scratches his head when Irwin Shied, LGT's lawyer, tries to push for settling with Sandra Cassandra.

Season 1, Episode 5 The Ethel Merman Story Written by: Peter Lefcourt Directed by: Sandy Smolan

Lori finally gets Nicky to agree to sell his story, then finds out that Nicky has had the mobster who threatened her killed. Larry/Lola threatens to go public with his story about E.L., but tells Malcolm that he will agree to remain silent if Malcolm will audition him for The Ethel Merman Story. LGT star Yolanda tells her agent (and Lori's frequent phone sex partner), Brad Advail, that she wants the Ethel Merman part too. Audrey pitches a project to Rob, and another mysterious Mountainmen script from Kendall Gifford finds its way to LGT.

Items of Note: While in Rob's office, Malcolm does a hilarious voice imitation of Tom Hanks (as Forrest Gump) on the telephone to L.L. Spot the Scratch #4: Malcolm scratches his neck while in Rob's office. At lunch with Larry, he also orders an iced tea (Tuc's favorite drink), something that will also appear often in future B&C episodes.

Season 1, Episode 6 The Deal Written by: David Shore Directed by: Stuart Margolin

Exasperated with Kendall, Rob pulls the plug on The Mountainmen until Kendall resurfaces. At Rob's press conference announcing his decision, Kendall shows up. He and Rob later agree to work together to keep the show a hit. Brad Advail conspires with NBC to poach Parker Meridien from LGT, but Audrey walks in on them and blows the whistle to her mother, who tells Rob. Cecile also tells Rob that she thinks Malcolm is gay. Malcolm, who's having a tough time with his lover, Wayne, who wants him to come out, as well as his father, a famous conservative radio talk show host who's actually proud of his son for sexually harassing an actress, is suprised when Rob goes on a fishing expedition to find out if Malcolm is gay. Malcolm tells him it's none of his business. When Malcolm returns home at the end of this episode, he finds that Wayne has left him and breaks down in tears.

Items of Note: Along with "The Velvet Curtain," this episode showcases some of Tuc's finest work. There are a number of heartbreaking scenes that shouldn't be missed. This episode also includes an iced tea, which Malcolm orders while having lunch with his father, as well as Spot the Scratch #5: Malcolm scratches his back while lying in bed with Wayne. Also worth noting is that Wayne can be seen reading "The Dreyfus Affair," a book by B&C creator, Peter Lefcourt, and the episode is directed by Stuart Margolin, the actor who plays Kendall Gifford.

Season 1, Episode 7 Sex, Drugs & Videotape Written by: Charlie Hauck Directed by: Peter Gerber

Nicky Krasnakov tells Lori that he wants the writer of "Sex, Drugs & Rock N Roll" for his mini. Lori contacts the writer, Eric Bogosian, and implies that Nicky will be very unhappy if he doesn't get the writer he wants. Brad Advail sneaks in and gets a huge paycheck for Bogosian. Parker spoofs Rob & Cecile's attempts to conceive a child on his show and infuriates Audrey because of it. E.L., who woke up from his coma in the previous episode, calls Malcolm in and tells him to pretend to be gay to get out of the Sandra Cassandra suit. Back at the office, Malcolm auditions contenders for the Ethel Merman story, including Bea Arthur, Yolanda, and Larry. After his audition, Larry confronts a depressed Malcolm in LGT's men's room, and Malcolm breaks down crying and admits that Wayne has left him. While Larry (in drag) consoles Malcolm, Rob and Irwin walk in and see them, making it look like Malcolm is harassing yet another woman.

Items of Note: Spot the Scratch #6: While talking on the phone to Rob from home, Malcolm scratches his back.

Season 1, Episode 8 Unsafe Sex Written by: Peter Lefcourt Directed by: Stuart Margolin

Nicky sends Lori an expensive bracelet, which she feels is inappropriate. Brad Advail scores Sandra Cassandra a few prime talk show spots. Malcolm tries to convince Rob to let him go on a few talk shows to counter her claims, but Irwin says it's a bad idea. Rob's teenage son, Cary, pretends to be Rob while flirting online with an actress. That actress, Riley Weston (playing herself), thinks that means she has an 'in' with Rob and LGT. She scores an audition with Malcolm, then wrangles her way into a meeting with Rob. Security is called, but Rob realizes what Cary has done and pretends he just couldn't remember Riley. Lori finally goes out to dinner with Nicky, and afterwards they are nearly gunned down. Turned on by the danger, Lori falls into bed with Nicky.

Items of Note: Not much to note, as this is a fairly Malcolm-lite episode. Riley Weston is the real life, 32-year old actress who pretended to be a teenager to get a job writing for the WB's "Felicity."

Season 1, Episode 9 The Velvet Curtain Written by: David Shore Directed by: Sheldon Larry

Lori visits Nicky and tries to resist his romantic overtures, but cannot. Nicky's goons grab Brad Advail and bring him to meet Nicky, who warns Brad not to see Lori anymore. In an attempt to have some time alone, Cecile tries to recreate a romantic incident from hers and Rob's past. Rob calls in sick to play along. While they are out, Rob & Cecile are spotted, but no one recognizes Cecile, so the gossip wags start suggesting that Rob is cheating on his wife. LGT PR lady, Nancy, wants Malcolm to go on a Politically Incorrect-style talk show and represent LGT on the issue of "the velvet curtain," or the discrimination that gays face in Hollywood. Malcolm doesn't want to do the show, but Rob talks to him about it. Malcolm confesses to Rob that he's gay and agrees to do the show. When a Republican senator starts blowing his lid on the show, Malcolm speaks up and unexpectedly outs himself. When he returns home, Wayne has called him, as well as a few loons, but not his father.

Items of Note: This is the second episode in a row, written by David Shore, that really lets Tuc shine. Both of Malcolm's coming out scenes (privately to Rob, then on television) are heart-wrenching, as is the final scene when Malcolm returns home and listens to his answering machine. Spot the Scratch #7: While listening to Wayne's message, Malcolm scratches his back.

Season 1, Episode 10 Touched By An Angel Written by: David Shore Charlie Hauck Directed by: Rick Wallace

Malcolm's talk show appearance causes a stir, but he plays it low key. Meanwhile, Rob's got his hands full with Faith Monroe, the sexy star of LGT's family show An Angel In The Family, who's apparently sleeping with her teenage costar, Adam Bartlett. Neither star denies the affair, so Rob tells them to cut it out or he's axing the show. Malcolm visits Wayne, hoping that his televised "outing" will make Wayne come back to him, but Wayne confesses he's started dating other people. News of the affair between Faith and Adam gets into the press, and Lori confesses to Brad Advail that she was the source of the leak.

Items of Note: No scratches or tea this time around, but Malcolm's first scene is a classic. While everybody else is in a tizzy over his "outing," Malcolm walks in and casually asks, "So, anything good on TV last night?" It's a hilarious scene.

Season 1, Episode 11 Is It Good Or Bad For The Jews? Written by: Charlie Hauck Directed by: Sandy Smolan

L.L. initiates legal proceedings to have E.L. declared incompetent. She also brings in a management consultant to appraise the value of LGT, and everyone mistakenly assumes that he's Rob's replacement. Larry/Lola visits E.L., and E.L. calls Rob to Palm Springs to push for Lola to get the Ethel Merman part. While Rob's in Palm Springs, Lori picks up L.L. and tries to garner her favor in. L.L. tells her to buzz off. Upon his return from Palm Springs, Rob is told by Malcolm that E.L.'s Lola is actually Larry. Rob calls E.L. to tell him the truth, and E.L. lapses back into a coma as a result.

Items of Note: Malcolm makes an iced tea by stuffing a tea bag into bottled water, squeezing in honey and shaking. He will do this several more times later in the season.

Season 1, Episode 12 White Woman's Burden Written by: Julie Sayres Eugenie Ross-Leming & Brad Buckner Directed by: Charles Winkler

A report comes out naming LGT "the whitest network on TV," so Rob wants to emphasize diversity. Towards that end, an African-American assistant named Casey Lennox is hired to help out Lori. Lori and Casey immediately clash, and Casey turns out to be an Eve Harrington clone, out to destroy Lori and take her position at LGT. Judd Morrow, Rob's predecessor at LGT tries to pitch a new series to Rob, and Rob feels terrible when he's forced to reject it. The tabloids unearth a heterosexual fling from Malcolm's past. Variety runs a cover story on Malcolm, citing the straight relationships and suggesting he might not really be gay.

Items of Note: Malcolm gets a few truly hilarious lines in this episode. When Rob finds out about his straight fling, Malcolm replies defensively, "Even a vegetarian knows what to do with a hamburger!" His reaction to Variety's story on his swinging past, "I am not a randy rooster, Rob," is funny too. Malcolm drinks hot tea in the lunchroom.

Season 1, Episode 13 Shakedown In Puerto Vallarta Written by: Peter Lefcourt Directed by: Sandy Smolan

A judge grants L.L. temporary control over LGT. Stu Wallach, Puerto Vallarta's show runner, tries to get Rob to cancel his show because Yolanda's Tourette's Syndrome outbursts are costing him tons of money. Rob refuses, so Brad Advail advises Stu to sabotage the show with poor production values. Lori continues to be upset over Casey's subterfuge. Malcolm starts talking about dating again. Nicky goes to Rob's house to propose that LGT make him a co-producer on his miniseries. Rob finally plays hardball with Stu Wallach and wins the renewal of Puerto Vallarta by buying a 55% stake in the show.

Items of Note: Not much to highlight. Except for the opening scene, Malcolm is seen in his office talking on the phone. Malcolm wonders aloud if he should take up country line dancing to find a good date.

Season 1, Episode 14 Don't Try This At Home Written by: David Shore Directed by: Charles Winkler

A focus group reacts poorly to new LGT pilot for The Precinct. The producers suggest recasting the show with Julius Henry, an actor who's a recovering cocaine addict. Much to Lori's chagrin, Casey advocates the recast and the LGT crew meets with Julius to check him out. In a later scene, Casey leaks the results of Julius screentest to Julius. She offers to help him, if he'll help her. Rob and Cecile see a fertility doctor for help in getting pregnant. Parker Meridian tries to score a big raise or he'll leave LGT. Rob gets him to stay on by offering him the lead in the Nicky Krasnakov mini.

Items of Note: Spot the Scratch #8 & #9: Malcolm scratches his head while watching the first focus group for The Precinct, then scratches his head again during the meeting with Julius Henry.

Season 1, Episode 15 Star Whores Written by: Eugenie Ross-Leming Brad Bruckner Directed by: Richard Martin

Nicky is upset when he finds out Parker has been cast to play him. Lori is arrested for outstanding parking tickets, and spends the rest of the episode trying to get out of jail in time to make a scheduled meeting with Steven Bochco. Needless to say, Casey swoops in and steals her thunder. Lori manages to put a call through to Brad Avail and asks him to spy on Casey for her, but instead Casey flirts with Brad and he falls for it. Rob informs Malcolm that he's decided to settle the Sandra Cassandra case. The next morning, Nicky bails Lori out of jail. She returns to work to find out that Casey has met with Bochco and has succeeded where Lori should have. Lori blows her top.

Items of Note: Spot the Scratch #10: Malcolm scratches his back in Rob's office, just before Rob tells him he's settling with Sandra Cassandra.

Season 1, Episode 16 Always Leave 'Em Laughing Written by: Peter Lefcourt Directed by: Charles Winkler

Rob's son Carey films a "day in the life" documentary for a high school class. Cecile sends Rob to a doctor to make sure his sperm count isn't low. Legendary comic, Sid Barrett, the star of an LGT sitcom, is losing his memory and causing problems on the set. Unaware of the extent of the problem, Rob orders Lori to take care of it, but Lori passes the buck to Casey. Without informing anyone, Casey sends out recasting notes, which she blames on Lori, and Rob is embarrassed because Sid Barrett gave him his first break. Meanwhile, Malcolm flirts with the man (Guy) who comes to fix his computer. Malcolm finds out where and when Guy works out, then "casually" bumps into him at the gym. Guy reveals that he could have fixed the computer right away, but lingered because he was also interested in Malcolm. Rob finally meets with Sid Barrett and informs him that LGT will have to recast his part. Sid appreciates Rob being honest, then takes an overdose of medication to avoid losing more of his dignity. At Sid's memorial service, Rob reads a letter from Sid to him that tells him not to feel bad for what he had to do.

Items of Note: The receptionist at the doctor's office where Rob gives his sperm sample is reading Peter Lefcourt's book, The Woody. Spot the Scratch #11: Malcolm nervously scratches his nose while Guy is working on his computer.

Season 1, Episode 17 Faith, Hope & Chastity Written by: Eugenie Ross-Leming Brad Buckner Directed by: Ron Orieux

Lori frets to her analyst about her relationship with Nicky. When Julius Henry starts acting up on the set of The Precinct, Lori tells Casey to fix the problem. Brad Advail convinces Casey to help him poach Julius as a client for his talent agency. One of the bimbos starring on LGT's Unregistered Nurses finds God and decides to change for Him. Rob convinces her to do her sexy scenes by letting her wear a large crucifix in her cleavage. Cecile informs Rob that she's written a play. Rob promises to read it, then passes the buck to Lori. Lori thinks it's his play, so she gets LGT readers to give it a rave. Unfortunately, the play's terrible, but because the readers praised it, Rob encourages Cecile to have a public reading of it. The reading turns out to be a disaster and Rob admits to Cecile that he never read it. Lori, who has hired a private investigator to dig up dirt on Casey, is mortified when Casey shows up at the reading with Brad Advail as her date. Malcolm, having a romantic date at home with Guy, tries to go for casual sex, but Guy reveals that he's a virgin and has been saving himself for Mr. Right. Malcolm is uncomfortable with how serious Guy seems to be getting and decides not to sleep with him.

Items of Note: Malcolm makes another iced tea with bottled water, a teabag and honey.

Season 1, Episode 18 Russian Roulette Written by: Eugenie Ross-Leming Brad Buckner Directed by: Michael Ritchie

Parker Meridien's psychic tells him that his face will soon be on the front page of every newspaper, which he takes as a sign that the Krasnakov mini is going to make him a superstar. The director of the mini, who has only made one documentary before, turns the mini into an arty mess. Nicky is outraged that his story is being distorted, and the LGT staffers are very disappointed in the mini's dailies. Zack and Felicia, a producing couple, approach Malcolm separately and tell him that they both want a certain actress cast for their movie of the week because they've both slept with her. They want Malcolm to push for the actress because neither wants the other to get suspicious. When Lori reveals, outside of Malcolm's earshot, that the actress sleeps with everybody, they both change their mind, but Malcolm follows through as instructed and fights for her to get the role. A mysterious stranger sneaks into Rob's office and forces Rob to read his script, threatening to blow LGT up if he doesn't. Turns out the guy was a cab driver that Rob once facetiously encourage to write a script. On the set of the Nicky Krasnakov mini, Parker encourages Nicky to play a cameo in a shootout scene. Nicky's rivals somehow replace the prop guns with real guns and Parker Meridien is killed in the shootout.

Items of Note: Malcolm has a few hilarious reaction shots while dealing with Zack and Felicia. Spot the Scratch #12: Malcolm scratches his forehead while watching the Krasnakov miniseries dailies.

Season 1, Episode 19 Death In Malibu Written by: Peter Lefcourt Directed by: Richard J. Lewis

Possibly the funniest episode so far, this one deals primarily with the aftermath of Parker's death. Rob is questioned by the police. LGT, NBC, Brad's agency, and others start up an unspoken competition, trying to place the better memorial advertisement for Parker in Daily Variety. Casey volunteers to film a video remembrance, but no one has anything nice to say about Parker. At Parker's memorial, everyone BS's their way through eulogies, until Rob delivers a truly kind speech. At the after-funeral gathering, Parker's mother serves Rob with papers informing him that she's suing LGT for wrongful death.

Items of Note: Malcolm has several funny scenes in this episode: his facial expressions at Parker's funeral are hilarious, he also nods off during a pretentious eulogy, and at the after-funeral gathering he shamelessly hits on a hunky waiter. Spot the Scratch #13: At a meeting to discuss what to do in regards to the Krasnakov mini, Malcolm scratches his head in puzzlement. He also makes another iced tea with a water bottle, teabag and honey.

Season 1, Episode 20 Fasten Your Seatbealts Written by: Eugenie Ross-Leming Brad Buckner Directed by: Charles Winkler

Still mourning Parker, Audrey regresses and moves back home with Rob and Cecile. Casey swipes another of Lori's ideas, so Lori decides to get rid of her. She speaks highly of her to an exec at NBC, hoping to get the guy interested. Rob finds out that Pamela Marston, a Martha Stewart-like CBS morning star, might be interested in switching to LGT. He quickly finds out that she wants Rob to sleep with her to seal the deal. An FBI agent shows Lori, Malcolm and others the dailies from the Parker's death scene on the set of the Krasnakov mini. When Nicky appears onscreen, his screen presence is electrifying. Both Lori and Malcolm subsequently try to get Rob to sign Nicky to play himself in the mini. Rob confides in Malcolm that Pamela Marston has hit on him. NBC offers Casey a job, but Rob counteroffers a Vice Presidency at LGT. Lori finds out the next morning and is furious.

Items of Note: When Nicky appears onscreen in the miniseries dailies, Malcolm has a great, funny line: "Hel-lo, lunch."

Season 1, Episode 21 Disinformed Sources Written by: Peter Lefcourt Directed by: Joanna Kerns

While the rest of the LGT crew work their butts off trying to prepare the fall schedule, Casey goes off to do a series of interviews celebrating her success as a black woman in television and Lori puts the wheels in motion to get rid of Casey. Lori goes to an interview for the top job at Black Entertainment Television, but convinces the BET to focus his attention on Casey. In the end, Casey refuses the job out of loyalty to Rob, but Rob tells her there's no way she should pass up such a great opportunity. Lori finally gets what she's wanted. The LGT crew also try to convince Nicky to star in his mini. When he refuses, Lori enlists Brad Advail to help convince him.

Items of Note: Another relatively Malcolm-lite episode, this episode is notable as being the second to be directed by a former B&C guest star, in this case Joanna Kerns, who played Faith in episode 10.

Season 1, Episode 22 The Cherry Orchard, Pt. 2 Written by: Peter Lefcourt Directed by: Richard J. Lewis

L.L. is close to selling LGT to Ivana Trump. Unless E.L. wakes up, the deal will go through. Latitia suggests that they try to recreate the events that put E.L. into his coma. Malcolm calls on Larry/Lola to visit E.L. in the hospital. Cecile and Audrey separately visit the same fertility doctor to be artificially inseminated. The doctor swipes a sample of Rob's sperm to impregnate herself, then realizes that her medical partner (and female lover) has switched the samples. They're unsure of which woman got which sperm samples. Nicky takes his new role as actor a bit too seriously; and Lori is turned off and returns to Brad Advail. Just as Rob is about to announce LGT's schedule, E.L. comes out of his coma and tells him he has one more chance to get it right. Next stop: Season Two.

Items of Note: Spot the Scratch #14: Malcolm scratches his forehead in the fall schedule meeting. He also orders iced tea at lunch with Larry. And Peter Lefcourt has a cameo in the LGT lobby, going so far as to spell his name out for the receptionist.